So as I was venting to a friend of mine today, we both said a word that describes the way I feel lately: drowning.. It feels like no matter how hard I try to make my life better, I can't. I kind of feels like I'm swimming against a riptide.
On top of that, it seems like my bipolar is out of control lately. My moods swing so wildly they even scare me. Nothing seems like it's helping either. I can see myself spiraling down this whirl pool and there's nothing I can do... I'm just so angry all the time.. I don't want to be like that for my daughter though. So i'm seriously considering going to see a therapist. But then, on the other side, I feel like a failure because I need to be medicated to be able to deal with my life. I'm becoming so apathetic that it scares me. I have my friends worried sick.. I'm just so afraid. I know that change is coming, it just can't come soon enough!
There's nothing weak about needing to be medicated from time-to-time. Bipolar is caused by some seriously unbalanced chemicals in the brain, you have no control over that. If you need a little help balancing them out now and again, I think it makes you stronger being able to admit that.
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